I have often struggled with this universal teaching, and more specifically, with this concept as presented in the Bible through the teachings of Jesus Christ.  When first presented with the idea of "loving your enemies," I often find myself going down the road of why do they deserve it?, why should I "waste" my energy to extend love towards people that do not see me favorably?, I have trouble enough loving all the people I feel deserve and reciprocate my love.

You see, the inner dialogue confronted when one begins to explore this concept is certainly not the easiest to simply disregard. Over the years, as I have continued to grow and often stumble in my spiritual practice, in my purpose pursuit of mindful discernment, I have come to see this piece of universal wisdom in a slightly more optimistic and rather "doable" light.

So begs the question

What has led me to see this advice through different eyes?

And

Where does one actually begin?

In an answer to the first question, I will say more than anything, more than my study of scripture, my daily moments of prayer, my evenings of asana and reflection, what has drawn me to see the act of "loving your enemies" as not only possible, but necessary has been MY PATIENTS.

As clinicians I don't think we pause and reflect enough to recognize what is actually being birthed and transformed in the VERY SPACE between doctor and patient. We can easily forget the immense vulnerability of our patients,  often times bearing their deepest traumas and personal self loathing as we sit back and wander off into constructing a differential diagnosis.

For as I see it, "Loving Your Patients" is actually a deep act of "Loving Your Enemies"

What did you just say?

Yes, loving your patients and honoring the vulnerable space that can either be one of healing or one of further fragmentation involves the act Jesus so eloquently taught: Loving your enemies.

Now to bring context to this statement, I am not saying as a clinician and healer, your patients are your enemies, not at all.

What I am actually referring to is much more akin to "Loving Your PROBLEMS" or in this case, the fragmentation and hurt of our patients. 

As I mentioned above, as you start to enter the vulnerable space between clinician and patient, you can certainly focus and find the superficial symptoms or other distracting scars, OR you can start to discover the root reasons behind this person's suffering. You can unearth childhood traumas, periods of absent love, acts of self destruction, negative self talk, and the list goes on and on.

Being gentle and loving these potentially destructive and self defeating thoughts, the acts of self sabotage and self care gone astray, loving the aspects of the patient they most desperately wish they no longer possessed requires a deep act of LOVE, and one perhaps, both clinician and patient would choose to just ignore.

When we discover the past trauma, the periods of absent nurturing presence, the fear of our patients, their reactivity, and the projection of our patients' frustration and cynicism into our lives, do not run away, do not get defensive, for YOU HAVE FOUND PRECISELY WHAT NEEDS THE MOST ATTENTION AND LOVE.

Fill the voids of your patients with presence and compassion, be gentle towards the parents, partners or strangers who may have enacted deep acts of hurt or even hatred upon your patient for they too likely suffered the same insults and simply transmitted the fear, the hatred, the loathing into another generation.

As we come to understand the complex world of epigenetics and the regulation of genetic expression, trauma, absence, fear and disdain are not simply transmitted through families as part of deeply embedded and maladaptive psychosocial frameworks, they are altering the expression of our genetic code and changing our core physiology: the terrain itself which the soul must traverse.

As I bring this post to close, I want to bring this back into the universal, extending my description from the clinician and patient dynamic into the world of simple human connection and relation. Every day you will be greeted by antagonists, problems, challenging people and unfortunate circumstances.

What if the next time you are faced with an act of hostility or hurtful misunderstanding, instead of responding to the individual with an equivalent level of hurt and hostility, you start to truly see the place from which the hostility emerged and start asking the questions:

Who hurt you?
Who was not there for you?
What about yourself do you not love and accept?

and

How can I fill these voids or replace these hurts with love and understanding?

You see, "loving your enemies", or love at all for that matter doesn't have to be about hugs and kisses.

For Love, as He knows it, was never meant to involve touch at all.

How Do You Prepare For Gameday?

Okay, I’ll admit, while I have drastically reduced the amount of time and energy I put into following sports, most of my life has been spent absorbed in the fascinating world of athletics, both as a competitor and as an engaged fan. Sports are arguably one of the most ubiquitous endeavours on the planet, and despite ESPN and other TV providers attempts to steal your attention away from other perhaps more noble pursuits, there is something to be said about joining a raucous crowd, and going absolutely bananas with people you may never see again in your life.

Sports are sports, and sports are here whether you like them or not.

So why am I starting this post talking about sports? Is there going to be anything medical about this at all?

Short answer, no, nothing strictly medical.

Longer answer, still no, but what I am about to share with you transcends the well defined boxes of sports or medicine and opens us up to a curious discussion of how did we find ourselves in these boxes in the first place?

If you read the title of the post, and have a more athletic mindset, your mind may be thinking of some very practical ideas on how to “prepare for gameday.” For the true fanatics, this may involve acquiring food and beverages to enjoy on a comfy couch with friends, or perhaps it involves getting on your computer to pick your fantasy team for the upcoming weekend’s slate of games. Perhaps it involves washing those smelly socks and undergarments so your son or daughter has something at least slightly clean to wear before tomorrow’s game. Or maybe even still, it involves getting yourself as far away as possible from family who may be more inclined to throw sharp or heavy objects as part of an emotional explosion during the big game.

There are lots of ways to prepare, and lots of “Gamedays” for which we could be preparing.

Which begs the question,

What really do I mean by “Gameday”?

Thinking back to my childhood where it seemed I was never NOT kicking a ball, wearing a glove, or putting on a pair of athletic shoes, Gameday carried a very literal connotation.

There was the physical preparation, the pregame meal, the team warm-up, reviewing the line-up and strategy, the final pause before everything began.

Some people on my team had intricate pregame rituals, listening to the same songs on their I-Pod, putting on their shoes in the exact same manner, engaging in a reflective prayer, finishing the warm-up by touching the backboard. You name it, it was part of the preparation for Gameday.

And while some of these odd rituals or practices may seem just that, the reality was, there was little judgement when it came to preparation for Gameday. You didn’t talk to your friend who was absorbed in his pre-game playlist, you didn’t stop your friend from being the last one to lay the ball in the basket, you didn’t bat an eye while you waited for your friend to finish lacing up his shoes and extend his thanks to God.

It was “Gameday.” And that’s all that mattered.

Reflecting back on those years, it’s amazing to think about the unconditional acceptance of people’s practices and it’s fascinating to see the impact television has had in shaping the pregame rituals of our youth.

Do you really think that 12 year old learned how to step into the batter’s box and hold out his hand from a coach or a book?

We as humans are master emulators, and masters too of unconsciously assimilating the habits and practices of our heroes and peers.

And as I mentioned before, no pregame ritual or preparation is TOO odd. Whatever you have to do, you just do it. No one questions Lebron when he kicks of a game with a cloud of chalk. No one questions the pitcher who juggles the Rosen bag prior to the first pitch.

And while no one judges our athletes on how they prepare for “Gameday,” we also forgoe perhaps the most important question we should be asking ourselves


How am I preparing for MY “Gameday”?
​

Yes, I said it. Your “Gameday”

Not Lebron’s or Bryce Harper’s “Gameday.”


Your “Gameday”.


Now some of you may have slipped back into sports mode and thought once again about how you prepare for your athletic competitions, but that’s not really YOUR “GAMEDAY.”

Your “Gameday”, you see, is the playground for your life’s calling, the blank canvas for your embodied artistry, the perfectly polished stone ready to be tossed across the hauntingly still pond.

Your “Gameday” is your opportunity for growth, your opportunity to succeed and fail, to make mistakes and get dirty, your opportunity to relate and connect with others in ways you didn’t think were possible.

Your “Gameday”, you see, is YOUR EVERYTHING, so why in the world do you show up like its just YOUR SOMETHING or even worse, YOUR JUST ANYTHING?

You cannot prepare for what you do not know, and you cannot know without some time to prepare.

Many of us have at least taken the steps to discover our passions, to follow our hearts and live out our callings.

The problem, is we don’t see our callings as GAMEDAY, and as such we don’t have any clue on how or why we should prepare.

Some of us are still searching for our playing fields, seeking out our true Gamedays, and are even perhaps playing on baseball diamonds with more rocks than blades of grass and soccer fields that haven’t seen nets for 20 years.

But just because you don’t know where your Game is being played, or are stuck playing in a Game you wish didn’t exist, doesn’t exempt or excuse you from preparing, for showing up, for readying your heart for what you do not yet know.

I will be honest and say despite my dedicated yoga practice, my constant reflection and my perspective of purposeful intention, I have only recently started to see my calling, my work as a family medicine physician as “My Gameday”, and as such have just started to dutifully pursue proper preparation for “My Gameday.”

Let’s get real, do you think Lebron is going to show up 5 minutes before the game is about to start having downed a double espresso and half a bagel with cream cheese after navigating through rush hour traffic with one eye still glued shut after 5 hours of restless sleep?

Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but what I just described to you is how WE are showing up, how we are preparing for our work.

So WHY IS IT OKAY?!?

My calling as a healer is to craft and hold spaces for patients to discover what they must let go in order to heal, and fully embrace what they must bring into their being to restore their joyful nature.

This does not happen by accident, this does not happen running on Red Bull and bagels, this does not happen while ruminating on how to tell your mother she could have loved you more.


We must get serious, we must get playful, we must be intentional, we must become AWARE.


The remainder of this post could involve me telling you how to prepare for Your “Gameday,” but that would be waste of space and your time.

What you need, and we need is a roadmap, a simple process to realize this preparation and live our “Gameday.”

So here it is

1. Discover “Your Gameday”.

In this moment “Your Gameday” may not be your calling, and may indeed involve getting scrapped by rocks as you slide into second base, but you need to get quiet, take pause, and discover “Your Gameday,” wherever that may be. Don’t get moody or angry about it. Pros prepare and show up no matter the conditions. Amateurs come up with excuses on why the game shouldn’t be played.

What do you want to be?

2. Begin Your Preparation

But I still don’t know my “Gameday”? What’s the point? The paradox of preparing for Your “Gameday” is that you will have to and will likely spend months or years preparing for Your “Gameday,” before you ever discover where in the world the game is being played.

My suggestion, get quiet, rest your mind, and start to breathe.

I don’t care if it’s 10 seconds or 10 hours.

Get Quiet, Rest Your Mind and Start to Breathe

And if you are one of the lucky ones who knows Your Gameday, start walking the pitch, start inspecting the grass, walk every inch of the diamond before you ever touch a glove, and never for second think you know enough to stop.

Evaluate what you are doing now, what are you eating, how much are you sleeping, what do you listen to on your ride in to work, what is the last thing you read or say before you go to bed. How many times do you say I love you?

The Beginner’s Mind will be your friend and will never stop the pursuit of preparation.

3. Just Do It

Nike got it right with this ubiquitous slogan and the truth is preparation is only preparation if you decide to play the game. We cannot spend our lives perfecting what cannot be perfecting, or planning for what cannot be foreseen. We must live our callings and carry out our work knowing we will make mistakes and we will miss things we “shouldn’t” have missed.

But guess what?

Growth doesn’t follow from perfect practice.

Perfect practice comes when see that it’s possible to grow.

So, How do you prepare for “Gameday?”

Maybe it’s time we all start playing a little ball.


​

It takes 4 minutes and 30 seconds. Unless I trip and fumble for my badge. Then it take 4 minutes and 32 seconds.

4 minutes and 30 seconds.

People run miles faster than this.

But my intention is not to run or to even walk.

My intention is to be, breath and simply be,

It starts with a phone call.

Can you see another for me?

Room 19, 72 year old female, looks like a COPD exacerbation, maybe a new pneumonia. Call me when your done.

“Okay, sounds good, will do.”

For the next 84 seconds I prepare for the pause.

I scour the electronic medical record for vitals, white count, current meds, what did the ED doc do anyway? I even get a a glance at the CXR, seems like another overread.

And then its over.

84 seconds is all its takes for me to realize the real answers I need aren’t in the chart.

They will never be in the chart.

Unless I decide to put them there.

And then it begins.

The 4 minutes and 30 seconds began to tick.

I grab my white coat, pocket my phone, double check for my keys, and scoop up my stethoscope.

I start to walk. I notice the heaviness now of my burdened white coat, stained with the tears and spit up of infants.

Badges of honor I like to think.

Telling the stories of past hugs and cuddles gone awry.

I shrug my shoulders mid stride, and complete the roll of my scapula back to where they should have been all along.

There’s no time for tight trapezii during the pause.

I start to notice the ground beneath my feet, my minimalist shoes gripping my toes like a 2 year old hugging his ice cream cone.

The ground never felt so alive.

I’m nearly 2 minutes in now, 3 staircases down and I’m on to flat ground.

I begin to smell the Subway stench, the half baked bread, and half eaten sandwiches beckoning to the adventurous souls willing to wander from the comfort of the cafeteria.​